I was writing to a longtime friend earlier today asking when it would get easier...etc. (without complaining) and was explaining that some of the things that I'm currently going through have been causing me alot of stress....including work, but it can also be a source to assist me and "pull me away" from these other stressful things I'm going through...while explaining, I told my friend(that), "it seems as though I'm having to purge old behavioral patterns ~ and that psychologically and mentally, this has been exhausting. Scary too, since I'm a creature of habit."
After writing to my friend, I was trying to take it easy at my home and ended up rummaging through my nightstand in my bedroom, where I found a manuscript (approx. 4,000 words) that my friend had submitted to a magazine for publication. I was mentioned in it briefly, because her nephew and myself were friends.
He passed in the mid 90's and I was reminded and even told of certain things that he did, his curiosities, his passions and many little things that one can gather from reading a manuscript, as well as the help of knowing the person who is being written about.....
My friend, and her nephew (the person I was emailing this am), was a curious soul. He was a natural born writer and at some point, before he died, I was sure in my mind, that he'd somehow conquer his ambition to write something that would get the kind of recognition that he was desiring and that the success would also bring him a newfound happiness that he didn't currently have...well, it didn't happen, at least on a large scale. Although I'm sure his parents have some of his writings, I'm not too sure that they will ever be published. He was very academic and well read, so I am certain that they would make for interesting reading.....
Anyway, made me think about what people must go through who are not winning the fight against a disease and how could they win it if things are not looking good?
I also remember visiting him at The City of Hope in Monrovia and wondering how much pain he was in....and of course, just wanting him to know that he mattered as a person.....
I would also ask that when my loved ones pass, to gently let me feel their presence in some way.....as if a last "goodbye"....and that they always know how much that they meant to me.
